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My Unique Mediation Practice – An Amicable Divorce – Think It’s Impossible? think again

Academically, professionally, and personally, I have spent the last twenty years studying marriage and divorce. Today, I teach mediation, divorce mediation, and provide document preparation services. Almost all of my clients have chosen to get divorced without attorneys (without representation) and come to us before any paperwork has been filed with the court. It seems that my practice and business model represent an emerging trend.

The way I see it, when a couple has children, divorce becomes a process of family restructuring: the marriage ends, but husband and wife remain mom and dad, eventually becoming grandma and grandpa to the same babies. Contrast this philosophy with traditional/attorney-led divorce which often exacerbates marital conflict, entangles children in a war zone, diverts a substantial percentage of financial resources to attorneys and others, and breeds contempt and hatred. that keep ex-spouses stuck. in the years to come. How illogical is it for a family to spend their financial wealth on two lawyers whose focus is on arguing over dividing what’s left? Most thinking human beings would never choose this path. But sometimes when people are emotionally vulnerable and feel betrayed, rejected, and frightened, their senses desert them and they fall prey to the atrocities of contentious divorce.

A traditional/attorney-managed divorce is suitable for some families. This is the way to go when one of the spouses needs legal protection. So, for example, if one spouse doesn’t know what the marital assets are or how much the other spouse earns, he or she may want a lawyer to investigate all of these details before agreeing to any financial arrangement. Also, if one of the spouses feels intimidated as a result of domestic violence or coercion, negotiating without an attorney is a bad idea.

However, many of the couples who end up in a traditional divorce/divorced by a lawyer wouldn’t be there if they knew there was another option. My mission is to make it known that there is a better way. And, as I continue to spread the word, my mediation practice has grown. Yes, I see many middle-income people struggling financially, unable to pay two retainers, and the legal discovery process that is a big part of a traditional/attorney-led divorce. However, I also see people who have amassed substantial wealth and don’t want to divide it three ways: yours, mine, and the lawyers.

Pro-Se/Pre-Suit Divorce Mediation offers clients a communication format and model that promotes problem solving. The unique agreement a couple creates in mediation serves to guide their family into the future. Typically, these agreements cover future parenting plans and how finances (and child support) will be handled after the divorce. Mediation becomes a moment of negotiation and opening of communication channels. In mediation, the couple is encouraged to talk about what is working, what is not, and how their family should work in the future. My job, as a mediator, is to help my clients identify, articulate and/or reformulate their needs and problems. I encourage problem solving, provide information and options, and explore alternative solutions. Typically, the mediation process lasts between two and ten hours, depending on the issues and the personalities involved. Some divorces can be mediated in a single session. And sometimes the process happens over a few months, in a series of face-to-face sessions.

When mediation is complete, I prepare the agreement and fill out the state-approved forms. If a couple needs a QDRO (to divide a pension), a deed, or revisions to their estate plan, I refer them to legal resources. Many of my clients take their agreements to attorneys and/or accountants to review before signing. Ultimately, the agreement and other documents are signed and filed with the court clerk, and the case is set for final hearing as an uncontested dissolution of marriage.

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