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What to do with an irresponsible teenager

Adolescents, like adults, have different levels of irresponsibility that can range from laziness in tasks to lying (to avoid responsibility or accountability) and violent and/or criminal behavior. The critical questions are: what level of irresponsibility does the adolescent demonstrate, how chronic is the irresponsibility, and are there patterns to the irresponsibility?

Obviously, there are two rules about interventions: one, the earlier the intervention, the more likely the behaviors will be easily stopped and reversed, and two, the longer the behaviors continue, the more interventions are needed to change or stop them. behavior and/or more serious will be irresponsible behavior.

The good news is that many teens simply outgrow their irresponsibility with age. However, not all irresponsible patterns of behavior have that light at the end of the tunnel and the end result is incarceration or treatment programs. Many factors can influence the adolescent’s final outcome, including: their academic performance, emotional stability, family stability, personal interests and goals, and personality variables.

Types of interventions

Parent Interventions

The easiest and least expensive (money and time) is for parents to step in and stop the irresponsible behavior. This may mean learning what they have been doing to unknowingly reinforce unwanted behaviors and/or identifying what stimulates irresponsible behavior. This level of intervention is the most appropriate for mild levels of irresponsibility: laziness, ignoring instructions and/or commitments, etc. This level of behavior can best be addressed by doing a behavior analysis. This process is something that parents can do themselves with the guidance of a knowledgeable person or they can consult with someone who has those skills. Another option is for parents to establish a contracting system for adolescent behavior management to reward appropriate behaviors (or responsibilities) with a monetary gain instead of an allowance; the teenager would determine her own income based on performance. Information on these topics is available on the Parent Modules page of the Parents Teach Kids website. This level of intervention will be part of the most severe or long-term irresponsible behaviors, but will rarely achieve significant change on its own.

Intervention Expert

The next level of intervention is to consult a counselor or psychologist who can act as an intermediary between the parents and the adolescent. This can be costly in terms of money ($75-125/hour) and time for travel and appointments. Sometimes health insurance covers these costs, but all insurance companies differ in terms of requirements and procedures, so parents are encouraged to verify their benefits before scheduling appointments. Counseling may or may not bring about change and it may take a long time to bring about any change. Joint counseling may be required, as many parents unwittingly contribute significantly to their teens’ irresponsible behaviors. For example, they may give the teen a credit card and allowance as well as a car, but they may not be clear about who will pay the gas bills with the credit card or the proper use of the card. This level of intervention is also recommended for adolescents who engage in risky behavior (including substance use and unprotected sex) or who have come into contact with the law and the logical consequences of their actions. This level of intervention will be part of the most severe or long-term irresponsible behaviors, but will rarely achieve significant change on its own.

Legal Interventions

When the adolescent’s irresponsible behavior has been prolonged and/or severe, parents may have few options: incarceration or a residential treatment program that specializes in chronic adolescent problems (substance abuse, delinquency, etc.) . Again, these programs may be covered by health insurance benefits and parents would be wise to consult with the appropriate people to determine their benefits and limitations, referral processes, etc. Out-of-incarceration programs generally require parental involvement in counseling and/or behavior management skills training.

Focus on positive potentials

Just because your teen doesn’t do his homework doesn’t mean he’s irresponsible. Responsibility is a character trait that comes with experiences of making decisions and experiencing the consequences of those decisions. When parents shield their children from the logical consequences of their behavior, they do a great injustice to the child. The child learns that there is nothing he cannot do, as there is no cost to the child. Sometimes the best teaching tool is the experiences that bring the consequences. The adolescent has the potential to be who and what you always dreamed of being. Sometimes the whole family has to get lost fighting their way through the unknown, personal fears and mistakes to find the wonderful person within. Some take longer than others to reveal.

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