All about infidelity
Many couples marry with a clear and strong red line when it comes to infidelity. They say, “If my partner ever has an affair, I’m done and I’m getting a divorce.” And then it happens to you unexpectedly leaving you to deal with the devastating betrayal and the inevitable roller coaster of emotions. When faced with painful reality, you must also make a decision: “Should I stay or should I go?” You realize that whatever decision you make, the stakes are high and the red line you saw in your mind is now more gray than red. The following is information to know when facing infidelity in your marriage.
1) Infidelity does not necessarily end with a marriage.
Love affairs stimulate the ego and can be very powerful and compelling. However, despite its negative consequences, infidelity is not necessarily the end of a marriage. Surprisingly to many, most married couples decide to stay married after infidelity. Although recovering from infidelity is challenging, many marriages not only survive, but actually grow stronger from the devastating experience. They can get back on track and rebuild trust, friendship and enthusiasm. 2) Many cheaters still love their partners.
Men can love their wives and still want to have sex with other women. Cheaters have often not fallen in love; rather they are dissatisfied with the state of their marriages. Infidelity usually occurs when things calm down, normality and boredom kick in so that interest and excitement disappear. It also occurs in times of crisis or transition, such as having a new baby, pressure at work, lack of intimacy, needs not being met, not having sex, etc. As such, love affairs may reflect that couples do not know how to care for each other or how to work together to meet their challenges, but not necessarily that they do not love each other.
2) An emotional roller coaster is the new norm.
The road to recovery, even after an adventure, is not a straight line. It is usually a spiral line that covers many ups and downs. The roller coaster of emotions is a natural course of the healing process and is very painful and confusing. Just when couples think things have improved and been resolved, there is another major setback to experience. These couples may think that they will never be able to get over betrayal and infidelity. Each setback is something different. However, like the stock market, the idea is to think long term. As long as there is a general upward trend, progress is being made. Adopting patience is essential, especially during times of relapse. So, don’t give up and be hopeful.
3) Infidelity can be traumatic.
The betrayal is shocking and devastating to the recipient to an extreme degree in a way that overwhelms his physical and mental state. The betrayed spouse suffers from heartache and anxiety, eating and sleeping problems, and negatively affects their self-esteem and confidence. Not surprisingly, the betrayed spouse displays symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD).
4) Forgive and you will be free.
Similar to a traumatic experience, people do not forget infidelity. It is a survival necessity to remember and avoid the pain associated with adventure. While remembering betrayal is critical to protecting ourselves and learning from its experience, forgiveness is essential to moving on with life. Forgiveness is not designed to free the unfaithful person or take away their responsibility, but to free people from their past and their misery. When betrayed spouses forgive, love flows into their lives. They let go of the past and make room for the present, which brings hope and optimism. 6) Healing is not easy and takes time.
Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. The more we resist pain, the more we suffer. That is why we must have the courage to experience the pain and loss that betrayal brings. Although we prefer to be pain-free as quickly as possible, healing from infidelity is a chaotic process and takes time. Rapid recovery may indicate repression or compartmentalisation, which may backfire in some way. It is not uncommon for recovering from an affair and getting back on the marital path can take two years and even longer.
5) Couples counseling is very helpful.
The betrayal is so overwhelming and disorienting that it’s hard to know what to do next. Professional help is very beneficial and can help us through the challenging infidelity process towards healing. Infidelity counseling is a helpful way to gain information, support, and strength to get through the affair. It helps people to have a better understanding and a broader perspective on the subject matter and to acquire professional and objective guidance to make more informed decisions.
Regardless of the decision you make, overcoming infidelity is not easy, but it can be done. The questions to ask yourself are: What can you learn from him? How is it done? At what cost? If you decide to stay in your marriage after the infidelity, the important thing is to address the