Graciela waited anxiously in class. She was waiting for Mr. Brown to walk into the classroom with that enigmatic aura that just drove her crazy. Mr. Brown, who happened to be the Geography teacher, could hardly understand the impact that his childish smile had left on the tender mind of his teenage student. He barely noticed his already rosy cheeks growing redder as she questioned him about the daily lessons. Almost all of us have come across these crushes at some point. Sometimes young adolescents fall in love with a member of the opposite sex who may not reciprocate their feelings or may not be in a position to do so. But these crushes are often ignored. These crushes were supposed to fade over time. But the fact is that they don’t. People never forget their crush until they are replaced by new ones. And if this is not dealt with properly, such people become people who constantly need someone by their side to ensure their existence. Their confidence level drops when they don’t have a partner. They are constantly on the rebound.

These crushes are best described as “limerence.” It was a term coined by the scientist Tennov. “Limerence” is an attraction to a member of the opposite sex that is somewhere between love and infatuation. When it is reciprocated, it becomes romantic love and when it is not, it usually moves on to someone else. But the fact is that it has to be reciprocated by one or the other. The person who has limerence in an individual often imagines romantic gestures from the limerence object and this imaginary reciprocity fills her heart with pleasure.

The causes of limerence are many. But the most prominent is the lack of proper care since childhood. The tender minds of adolescents need proper upbringing and care, and above all they need love. In most cases, children who lack these often fall for anyone who shows little attention to them. Sometimes that same person turns out to be your neighbor, or an associate, or some young teacher of the opposite sex. I should mention that these teenage crushes don’t necessarily happen for any young individual. Rather, in most cases, teenagers fall in love with people who are thirty or forty years older than them. These people often settle for someone who may not even be on par with their preferences. But it’s constant security to have someone by your side.

Limerence is not exclusive to teenagers, it can happen to anyone and everyone. And when limerence is not reciprocated, an individual’s confidence and self-esteem suffer. They just can’t live in peace until they find someone who really reciprocates them.

Almost all people experience some kind of shyness towards their loved one, especially when the attraction is incipient, but in limerence a strong feeling of nervousness worries the individual that makes it difficult for them to behave normally in the presence of the limerence object.

Real love denotes care and understanding for the other person, but limerence is self-centered. But unlike puppy love, it never fades over time. It must always be transferred or reciprocated. If you love someone and are not reciprocated, you can keep sweet memories of your lover that will comfort you in later years. If you’re in love with someone, it would fizzle out after a while. But if you have a limerence, it will leave its mark on your heart and even after years, you will remember it with sorrow and despair. A limerance hit an individual out of nowhere, it will drive you crazy and you will try to reach the limerent item at all costs. Most of us have gone through limerence at some point. If the limerence is not reciprocated, it becomes difficult to bear the pain. But life teaches us to endure this experience. And once you learn to live with sadness, you reach a level of emotional maturity and your life moves on and after years when you reflect on the past, you realize that you are not the same person once again.