Well, it’s Friday night and I’m pretty sure my friend Tabata-san will be at the usual spot. So I decide to go have a chat and maybe a beer too.

Sure enough, I find him sitting with a couple of youngsters telling them what judo was like in the old days.

I patiently wait for an opening in the conversation, as I want to ask Tabata-san to talk more about an earlier topic. His experience of being a Japanese man.

Before I have a chance to ask, Tabata-san reads my mind and starts to tell the two young men what we had discussed last time. Soon the conversation turns to him talking about “the three hearts of a Japanese man”.

“You see,” he said, “being a Japanese man is not a simple matter, although life would be more pleasant if it were.”
“In order to make my way in the world, myself and I think most Japanese men my age find it necessary to maintain and nurture three hearts instead of just one.”

“The first and most important heart I have is my private heart. The feelings I have in this heart I don’t share with anyone. Except when I’ve had too many beers.” she says with a wide smile suddenly appearing on her face.

“I rarely share my true feelings with anyone, because doing so alone would tend to cause complications and misunderstandings. This is a fact of life that most Japanese people realize and live with over time.”

“My second heart,” Tabata-san says after a short pause, “It’s my business heart.”
“This is the heart that allows me to make a living and make my way in the world.”

“At work, you soon realize that your superiors are not interested in hearing what is in this heart. When your boss asks you ‘What do you think of this idea?’ the most important thing is that you save him from the embarrassment of being wrong. So you almost always say, ‘Oh wow, what a great idea!’ If you’re really smart, you’ll be able to correct the weaknesses in his strategy, while making him think he came up with the changes.”

“Freedom of speech, as guaranteed in the American constitution, is only granted in Japanese business circles after consuming a few beers. Drinking gives you the chance to share something you’ve been hiding. Everyone understands that whatever you say Whatever you say to your boss while drinking is forgiven and forgotten the next day. Or at least that’s how it is at the company I’ve worked for for the past thirty-eight years.”

Tabata-san pauses to see if we’re still interested, and when I nod excitedly, she continues.

“Finally, I keep the heart of my family, and I attend to this heart only after taking care of the other two.”

“With my family heart I speak the words, assume the responsibilities and perform the tasks that every good husband and father should do. The most important thing in this regard is to maintain the spirit of support and hard work that will lead my children to do well in the world. I’m usually too busy and tired to do that much with my family, but that’s rarely a problem because my wife tells me what to do and say, and when.”

“Well, there you have it.” Tabata-san said, “Charlie-san, you have invited me to explore the rewards of sharing my private heart, and I must say that I still worry about being misunderstood or ridiculed. But you are right, it is quite fantastic.” I find that most of the people around me have the same hopes and fears that I do.